Approaching December has always meant approaching Christmas, and with that, the influx of family gatherings. Filipinos are honestly amazing at upholding family traditions, such as getting everyone together for the season, preparing a great Noche Buena feast, and hosting a memorable White Elephant game. But at the same time… There are some things we do not look forward to.
Familiar Questions, Familiar Dread
“May boyfriend/girlfriend ka na ba?” (“Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend already?”), “Tumaba ka ah!” (“You got fat/gained weight!”), “Kailan ka ba ikakasal?” (“When will you get married?”), “Yan lang kakainin mo?” (“That’s all you’re eating?”) … Some of the many questions we hear so often at family gatherings that we practically expect them to be asked, to the point that we may dread them.
Social Anxiety at Holiday Gatherings
In social gatherings, such as holiday parties, individuals having social anxiety or feeling anxious in general does not surprise me. In these settings, social anxiety, which is the fear of being watched or judged by others, can be recurring. Perhaps it is because of how the same questions are repeated at each gathering and asked by multiple people, which makes us fret and anticipate how we will have to answer every single one.
More than that, perhaps it is because of the manner of questions that our older relatives bombard us with, which can feel invasive, pressuring, and judgemental. In any case, these questions, and more so our relatives, are seemingly inescapable. So rather than shutting ourselves off from family gatherings or having our festive moods ruined, how could we deal with the social anxiety we might feel?
Shifting Perspectives: Accepting the Inevitable
For me, the first thing I did was to accept the fact that such questions would be asked, and to reframe the way I took such inquiries. Rather than taking those questions or comments personally, I started taking them in as part of their greetings. Kind of like an automatic “Hi, how are you?”, or an automatic beso to the cheek or mano po, I started seeing such questions as more like a habit of the elders. Once I got this mindset down, I started coming up with my own little ways of replying. I’ve come to find that it helps a lot when you give a witty or silly response in return. For example, when I am asked if I have a boyfriend, I like to reply with “I already found my true love. Myself!” It helps keep the mood light and fun, while steering away any further probing since the conversation picks up from the humor.
While it can be overwhelming, having to interact and talk with so many relatives, I’ve also realized that it does not hurt to keep the conversations short (but polite) with relatives you don’t quite vibe with. Instead, I go and find those who match my energy more, like my cousins or younger titos and titas who I can be more relaxed around.
Embracing the Spirit of the Season
I believe that most Filipino relatives mean well, even if their approach may cause us a degree of anxiety. While it may be easier said than done, focusing on the spirit of the occasion and cherishing the few times the entire family gets together to celebrate a season, can make the overall experience a lot less stressful and a lot more enjoyable.
Family gatherings may come with their challenges, but with the right mindset and a touch of humor, you can make the most of the holiday season. If you’re looking for more tips and insights to navigate family dynamics and manage social anxiety, visit Pinoy Therapy today and take the first step toward a more joyful and stress-free Christmas!
About the Author
S. Verzosa is a BS Psychology graduate from the Ateneo de Manila University. Lover of fiction, art, music, dance, and the understanding of all those around.
